I can not believe that it is almost NOVEMBER!!! This year has gone by way too fast. Okay, so an update on me. I unfortunately never went back to my good eating habits:( I just can't get out of this funk. I have ZERO motivation at all and this is soooooo not like me. I have no idea what is going on. I am in my 5th week of a health challenge and so far I am down 5 pounds. Normally I would be down 10-12 pounds by this point but I just don't have any motivation. I do still workout but not as hard core as I like. I seriously just feel lazy. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see. my clothes don't fit right, I'm in this challenge which usually totally gets me in the competitive mood and this time it hasn't at all. I am doing a photo shoot for my hubby for Christmas (it's a surprise) and I still can't get motivated. I am a part of 2 different fitness groups that are soooo motivating but it still isn't doing any good for me. I have realized that I am not mentally ready I guess.
I am not trying to get "skinny" Skinny is not my thing at all. I like tone and fit. To be honest I loved how I looked and felt inside and out THIS March and now here I am back to square one:(
It's just sad because I was so excited. I was giving people tons of advice on how to be healthy and fit and here I am almost 8 months later trying to find my way again.
I am not trying to look or be like someone else. I know what I am capable of and I miss that feeling. I miss feeling and looking strong, I miss my boys and others making comments on how fit I look. I miss how fast I was with my running. My endurance is there but my speed isn't:( I miss the confidence that I had.
Where did it all go wrong?? I'll tell you. First of all, I ALWAYS reward myself with food and not any food, bad foods. Don't get me wrong, we all need to have out cheat meals every week. But I went from 1 cheat meal a week to every day all day being my cheat meal. I gained my first 5 pounds back and thought "that's ok it's just 5 pounds, I can get that off in a few days as soon as I get back on track again. Well that 5 pounds turned into the full 19 pounds that I had lost the beginning of this year:( You think how in the world did I gain 19 pounds back in a matter of months?? Well, if your body is use to you eating super healthy 99% of the time and all of the sudden you start eating what ever you want when ever, the pounds come back on quick!!! I am not one that does the "fade" diets. No thank you!! Been there done that. I am all about healthy eating and exercise but why in the HELL can't I do it?? Again I am not trying to get skinny. I would love to lose some weight for sure, but I just want to be tone again. Want to go to the gym again and get excited. I seriously just feel so lazy and worn out. I think to be honest that I did get worn out and maybe that is another reason to why I am having a hard time getting back on track.
My year started with my first health challenge. It was 12 weeks and I kicked butt and won first place. I lost 19 pounds, a million inches and felt fantastic!! Then I ran my first FULL 26.2 Marathon. Oh and I can't forget about my 4 months of hard core training for that marathon. It was HARD!! Then a few months later I was a pacer for my friend in the Wasatch 100 miler and ran 22 miles with him. Then I ran the Big Cottonwood 1/2 Marathon. I don't know, really it's all just an excuse.
I had a friend tell me that I always struggle because I am always doing these health challenges. It is true. I struggle with keeping my healthy and fitness a lifestyle. I have always been this way. But in a way I think most people are this way. Seems like everyone tries to do good the beginning of the year, then trying to get ready for summer. etc. I think I am just more open about it (post it for the world to see. haha)
I was super excited to start this new 12 week health challenge. This is with a bunch of people I don't know. I do know some, but I thought this is a perfect time to get me out of my funk. But no it hasn't helped at all:( I think because we can't post our weight loss so in a way it doesn't feel we are competing for anything. And really it shouldn't matter but it does:) It sure does help keep you motivated plus I am a HUGE competitor but I just can't get in the grove :( It's like I just don't give a crap but really I do.
I have a house full of healthy food but I don't want to eat it, or I do eat it plus I eat all the other crap or go and get fast food.
I have had people say I am too hard on myself and I look great etc which is super nice, but I know what I am capable off and I liked the way I look and feel when I am fit. I'm also not trying to be a body builder which you all know it is a DREAM of mine. That is not a goal for me right now. I just want to be confident again. I hate feeling tired and lazy all the time and I know it's because of my eating habits and weight gain.
I decided that I am going to post on my fitness blog again because it's helps me. If people get annoyed, then don't read it. I choose to make my journey public. It helps me and others.
See, I am not one of those girls that can eat what ever. I have to work HARD every single day. I STRUGGLE with my diet. I for the most am a healthy eater but I LOVE treats and I love fast food.
As far as my exercise goes, I still workout all the time but only the bare minimum.
You would think that since I am in the challenge that I would go hard core. The reason I finally made my photo shoot appointment was to help me get motivated and back on track, but nope it doesn't do the trick:(
I finally decided that today I am going to post on my blog again and get going!!! I want and will do this AGAIN!! (It's a constant battle Ughhh)
I have been eating pretty good today. I did have a few treats but I didn't go out to eat or get me a coffee which I know packs on the inches and pounds for me:(
I have 8 more weeks until the challenge is over and I know that if I kick butt now I will do awesome. I also have only 5 weeks to get as fit as I can for my photo shoot and I KNOW I can do it. I can get pretty fit in 4 weeks but that is me giving it 200% on both my diet and exercise.
So here we go again:)
